The mobile breast screening unit was in the car park of our local leisure centre where the COVID testing clinic used to be. Because they are childish my son and partner call it the tit van. I had to cycle down there a couple of months ago as I’d been invited for an appointment. In the same week I had a smear test at my GP surgery. Deep joy! They say that good things come in pairs, don’t they?

I’m pleased that the results from the tittie squishing came back negative. That’s another three years before I have the pleasure of a visit again. The cervical screening suggested more investigations were needed. Some slightly abnormal cells were detected. So this week I popped over to the hospital for a colposcopy. There I had the rather weird pleasure of staring at my cervix on a screen after it had been squirted with vinegar. I can report that it’s perfectly smooth and not lumpy and bumpy. The lovely ladies told me that was a very good thing indeed. It also confirmed my belief that vaginal birth is a massive conspiracy theory propounded by mothers and midwives alike. I had Louis by caesarian section after he refused to budge. There’s no way that a baby’s head could pass through such a small opening! I’m totally with him on that.

Anyway I can report that nothing particularly remarkable was found in my nether regions. That’s good to know as I had a massive infection, most likely caused by a contraceptive coil, which plunged me into menopause in my forties. It wasn’t identified until it became life threatening. As such I’m more wary than most of gynaecological issues. I’ll have another smear test in a year’s time. It will make sure all is still well down below. I’m suitably reassured.

I’m so grateful for the preventative treatment that I receive from the NHS. We’re so fortunate to have systems in place that detect disease early. Yet a fair percentage of those who are invited to attend don’t do so. On one level this isn’t surprising. Personally I don’t relish the thought of my intimate body parts being closely inspected by a bunch of strangers. I’m not that type of gal. Nor are the procedures particularly comfortable. But my experience has never been anything but positive in terms of the staff who specialise in women’s health. They are always highly professional, compassionate and respect my dignity. So I’d urged anyone who is reluctant to take up screening to attend. After all early detection can be life saving.I

Addendum: Another thumbs up for the NHS. After I wrote this post, Hot Stuff fell down a hole on a golf course. Not the one that the ball goes down, that’s far too small. He’s broken his ankle. Massive appreciation for the nurses and radiographer in the local minor injury unit who looked after him and have referred him onto the orthopaedic team.

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4 Comments

  1. My breast cancer was picked up by a routine mammogram – I’d felt nothing – and so was dealt with reasonably easily. (If you call a lumpectomy, 6 sessions of chemo & 30 sessions of radiotherapy easy!! All over in 8 months) Being tall and of the larger on top persuasion, mammograms are relatively easy: I have a small in both senses friend who finds them incredibly painful…but I know that they are life saving. Yet I have two friends who are district nurses who won’t have them. Which strikes me as really weird. They say they would rather not, because every little thing is investigated and treated, possibly unnecessarily. Too much intervention. I just say Umm and change the subject. It’s not worth falling out over.

  2. I’m so sorry for your partner. No one wants to be laid up and for sure not in the heat of summer. I too wish more women got the preventative care. Its not fun, but I know how something caught early can change outcomes.

    • I feel for him too. Worse still I got laid up for a day with Covid like symptoms so couldn’t help out. They seem to have disappeared to a large extent today so fingers crossed I can get back to entertaining the old man!

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