I have a professional interest in trauma and its impact on later life. As such I expose myself to all sorts of books and talks on this subject All too often I think back to my own parenting journey and wonder if, armed with extra knowledge, I could have done better. The other day I checked in with Louis. ‘Yes you were a shit parent.’ he confirmed. ‘Sorry I wasn’t Supermum.’ I replied. He changed his tune. ‘Actually you came pretty close to being perfect.’ But still there’s room for fretting. Maybe it could have worked out so much better if I’d swaddled him at birth instead of letting him fight off his blankie!
But of course there is no re-run. My child rearing days are well over. I’m well into my menopause years and anyway vital tubes and stuff got hoiked out during emergency surgery a decade ago. But now I am the extraordinarily proud Great Auntie to baby Lily. She’s eight months old, incredibly smiley and has a real soft spot for Hot Stuff. I’m quite excited. It’s a long time since I’ve have a wee one to cast my influence on if I can tear her away from fawning over my boyfriend. Girl children can’t be that much different to boys can they? Can I switch on that tomboy streak? I’m certainly going to give it a go. I have a vision of her playing with woodlice in a mud stained pink fairy dress just like I used to do.
I’m not sure how successful I’m going to be in turning little Lily into MiniMe but I have another plan for her. Instead of filling her parents’ home with plastic crap I’ve decided to make all her Christmas and birthday presents until she is eighteen. Now presents for a pink’un. That will be a challenge. Hopefully they’ll be something in there that she a bit partial to and will keep and treasure.
So for her first Christmas I’m decorating a Matryoshka doll Kit for her. I’ve always had a thing about these charming nesting toys but never had one of my own. Yesterday, the kit and acrylic paint pens arrived. I’m ever so excited. I’ve just got to thing now of a suitable theme for those six nesting dollies. Of course I’ll share the finished article.
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